Coachella’s Craigslist Cravings

To most, Craigslist is a useful online market to buy/sell used electronic equipment, residential spaces, musical instruments, concert tickets, gardening tools, or Lorpen Merino Wool ankle socks. However, some are in the market for their more ‘intimate’ needs.

Most are familiar with the online ‘Missed Connections‘ after festivals such as Burning Man: where sad romantics can congregate in search of their lost lovers – pleading the spiritual connection that ensued and all that bull shit. However, there are many who use use Craigslist as a quasi-Tinder-escort communication platform in the hopes to lose their godforsaken virginity. Some of the offers on here are ruthless. We are not completely sure how many participate in this realm of the market, but it’s there and it’s public.

See also: Missed Connections of Burning Man

After the first week of Coachella, there is a bit of lag time leading up to the second week. Some people missed their chances of a Coachella romance on the first week, and are now bored looking to kill some time. This results in them prowling the internet searching for whatever scraps of meat they can find.

We dove into the deep, sad trenches of Coachella’s Craigslist Cravings postings, and we found nothing but pure dirty Pirate treasure. To start, we begin with some of the more ‘simple’ offerings and move into the really good ones.

..Uh.

Tent City baby.

 

Damn this guy is smooth (Note how he just casually threw his ‘oral’ offer in at the end).

That’s a fucking great offer man.

“One Last Hoop”. This one is pretty solid… I guess.

[Uploading Coordinates]

[Traveling to Destination]

Bizz + Truck = Mother Fucking O.G.

Alright – right here, this is it. Seriously – I think we have a winner.

“Come get a blowjob and go to some cool events.” Sounds like the motto to some dystopian Disney World.

This does not sound like a good idea.

Testimonials… for partying… Seriously?  You have got to be fucking kidding me…

‘USC Bros’. Enough said.

I give up.

After reading all this debauchery – you may ask yourself: ‘Well, why are they lurking the internet for prey, when they were previously surrounded by thousands of people just as horny as them?’
Who knows.