To most, Craigslist is a useful online market to buy/sell used electronic equipment, residential spaces, musical instruments, concert tickets, gardening tools, or Lorpen Merino Wool ankle socks. However, some are in the market for their more ‘intimate’ needs.

Most are familiar with the online ‘Missed Connections‘ after festivals such as Burning Man: where sad romantics can congregate in search of their lost lovers – pleading the spiritual connection that ensued and all that bull shit. However, there are many who use use Craigslist as a quasi-Tinder-escort communication platform in the hopes to lose their godforsaken virginity. Some of the offers on here are ruthless. We are not completely sure how many participate in this realm of the market, but it’s there and it’s public.

See also: Missed Connections of Burning Man

After the first week of Coachella, there is a bit of lag time leading up to the second week. Some people missed their chances of a Coachella romance on the first week, and are now bored looking to kill some time. This results in them prowling the internet searching for whatever scraps of meat they can find.

We dove into the deep, sad trenches of Coachella’s Craigslist Cravings postings, and we found nothing but pure dirty Pirate treasure. To start, we begin with some of the more ‘simple’ offerings and move into the really good ones.

2.1 coachella one nighter


Tent City baby.


2 - roses + oral

Damn this guy is smooth (Note how he just casually threw his ‘oral’ offer in at the end).

2 - coachella pussy

That’s a fucking great offer man.


“One Last Hoop”. This one is pretty solid… I guess.

2 stick your dick in my mouth

[Uploading Coordinates]

[Traveling to Destination]

2 - own bizz and truck

Bizz + Truck = Mother Fucking O.G.

1 - I-10 Trucker Discreet blowjobs

Alright – right here, this is it. Seriously – I think we have a winner.

1 - horny marine

“Come get a blowjob and go to some cool events.” Sounds like the motto to some dystopian Disney World.

1 attorney looking for VIP date

This does not sound like a good idea.


Testimonials… for partying… Seriously?  You have got to be fucking kidding me…

1 - USC Bro

‘USC Bros’. Enough said.

1 sunday night get pussy licked

I give up.

After reading all this debauchery – you may ask yourself: ‘Well, why are they lurking the internet for prey, when they were previously surrounded by thousands of people just as horny as them?’
Who knows.